10/7/013

He told me to shut the fuck up and leave him alone yesterday. All I can say is I miss my Nickers and would do anything to have him back again as much as he never ever wants to. I never thought it would end up like this. I'm so pushy and stupid. I wish I could take it all back and be able to call him mine. He is really is my everything. I haven't slept alone yet, I still sleep with my mom. I feel bad for my dad because he ends up sleeping on the couch or chair. Everyone keeps telling me to get over him and move on. I can't. Or they are saying how lucky he was and that they'd date me. I just want THEM to shut the fuck up. They don't understand; no one understands anymore. I won't leave Nick. I did that too much over the year that we dated and I will not ever do it again. Even if he never comes back... I just hope Nagi doesn't love him like I do. Otherwise it's going to be a long wait not that I'm not willing to wait. I will wait forever if I have to. I'm still really sick too, first time really eating last night and I threw up four times. I am kinda glad that it's happening though. Maybe it will help me lose some weight. My goal weight is 100 pounds. No one cares if I lose it now, so I might as well. It also gives me something to focus on. Anyway I'm done writing for today... I have to go to school .-. I hate school. It reminds me of him and with Austin all over me I can't even fucking think.